i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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