do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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