i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize