My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
