when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
