She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
