I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
