I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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