Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
