It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
