My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
