Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
