I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Rumble strips road head = magical
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
