I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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