Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
