The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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