When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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