theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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