The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Two words: nipple clamps
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