my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I still have a little drunk in my system
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
