it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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