ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
