That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
