No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So much rum. So many feels.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
