I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
