shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
