I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
