take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
