Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
