oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
