I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
