he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
