I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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