We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
