they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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