Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
