toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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