their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
