Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
