her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
