i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
