The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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