Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
