Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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