Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
