just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
