she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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