I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
