Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
