come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
